Five years ago today in the late evening I was tucking my girls in bed and reading bedtime stories to them. Out of the blue I heard my brother's voice and I went running to the front door to greet him as I was hoping to sit and talk with him (I knew he was struggling and I always enjoyed our conversations). When I got to the door he was nowhere to be found nor was there any trace of him. I called for him but there was no answer. My dog was acting weird too like he expected my brother at the door but he sensed something didn't seem quite right. As I couldn't find Jason I went back to putting my girls to bed. About an hour later my husband came home and told me my brother was brought to the hospital but died shortly after arriving. The next day we were going over the timeline of events. We discovered I had heard my brother's voice right after he passed away. I could not hear Jason's words but I can only believe what my mom said, that he was letting me know it was okay.
The next year was a very dark and difficult time for me. I not only was trying to cope with my brother's death but I didn't have time to process everything as I was also the executor of his estate. (Just a side note, if you hear, "God won't give you more than you can handle" it is a lie! God never said this. People have misinterpreted 1 Corinthians 10:13 which refers to temptations NOT life events. God promises to be there with us if we ask him to. He carried me a long time that year and provided amazing friends to support me and a husband who walked by my side and put up with me the whole time. When we moved to Haiti, a friend gave a photo to us that has the ""Footprints in the Sand" poem by Mary Fishback Sanders. This poem is a perfect example of that year.)
I struggled with knowing whether or not Jason went to heaven. My parents assured me he did but I had found on his computer, videos he recently had watched and I had spoken with one of his close friends which led me to question this. I prayed for 6 months asking to know. It was a Saturday evening when we were at church where it hit me like a ton of bricks and I knew what I was to ask and look for as confirmation. The band on stage was singing "10,000 Reasons" (Bless the Lord) by Matt Redman and I asked the Lord that I hear that song 3 times within the next 24 hours, knowing we wouldn't be listening to the radio much within that time frame. That next morning as we were pulling out of the driveway the song came on. In the afternoon it started playing right when I came upstairs from ironing. The last time was when Bruce was putting Brianna to bed, I walked in her room and it started to play. Yet, doubting Thomas I am, "Lord, just to make sure these were not coincidences, one more time, please???" It was normal to leave for lunch at the same time every day at work. The next day, it "just so happened" that the two co-workers before me both had dentist appointments and didn't arrive until 15 minutes after I was supposed to leave for lunch. As I was starting my car to leave for lunch, that song came on!
Yes, that still and quiet voice speaks in many different ways and I love the God winks He provides if we watch for them. Those winks feel like hugs from our Heavenly Father reminding us that He is there and He has us.
Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10.
